Thinking about how we communicate with ourselves might seem an odd concept, but that doesn’t change that it is something we do and something we could do better. Here’s an example; your internal voice, “Seriously, you stupid cow, you just missed that shot again.”

What does your internal voice sound like and are you even aware of its presence?

What do you say to yourself and how do you say it?

When do you most talk to yourself and how often are you in discussion?

And how do you make changes to your internal thoughts and self-talk?

1. RECOGNISE OR NOTICE that you are communicating with yourself. When you are alone or with others, raising your awareness of what you are saying internally can help you to change your behaviour in different ways in the future.
2. RECORD OR NOTE what you actually say. This can be a voice mail, a regular mental note, a physical note, a list on your mobile phone; as long as you feel you are consciously acknowledging the things you say, when you say them and the overall tone of the message. This allows you to see any patterns or themes in your self-talk agenda.
3. REVIEW AND REFLECT on what you’ve noted, picking up on any particularly prevalent themes; positive or negative. For example, are you being consistently harsh on yourself? Or are you dismissing your possible weaknesses or failures and convincing yourself that you are great? Your ability to change what you say is possibly the hardest part and might be achieved by considering the points made next.
4. RECTIFY, REVISE AND PRACTICE saying things with a different content, a different tone or which lead to different outcomes. The first time you try this you might feel very self-conscious about it (strange, but true).

Thinking about the example above; your internal voice, “Seriously, you stupid cow, you just missed that shot again.” Where can you go with this statement that feels as though it’s going to make an achievable and realistic difference? How about, “Oh dear, silly me, I keep missing that shot. I wonder if I can make any changes to stop that happening?”

You’ll not suddenly stop hearing your ‘old’ internal voice. Like anything, you need to approach the exercise with an open mind and accept that you might not get it right all the time. Starting with a process like the one described above can help you to make the right changes at the right pace and in the right context.