Today’s blog post is a race review written from my perspective based on the feedback and commentary my client Michael Mower has provided.  It is not Michael’s personal review. 

The impressions we draw of people are very different to their view of themselves. The relationship we are allowed with a person is exactly that; what they allow us to know. The depth and honesty with which they choose to expose or express themselves is up to them. Trust is critical in any relationship and holding a person’s trust is one of life’s gifts. 

During the short time I have worked with Michael, the value of trust in our working relationship was made apparent after he completed The Brutal Half Solo in early September. The Brutal is a punishing triathlon event beginning with an open water swim at the foot of Mount Snowdon in Wales, a challenging cycle route around the mountain valley and concluding with an ascent and descent of its peak. Michael had experienced several setbacks in the early and mid-summer preventing him from competing in his first-choice events. We had a Facetime conversation following one of Michael’s DNS events (did not start) around the middle of August. This had been preceded by a text message from Michael explaining an urgent family situation he had been compelled to help with. Our conversation about his next proposed race, The Brutal, took the course of me asking, “Will you, won’t you?” and Michael asking, “Will I, won’t I?” I had no doubt that Michael should compete. My impression of Michael is that he is a fit, strong and capable man. Capable physically and capable psychologically. This is not to say that Michael breezed through every training session and confidently ticked all the good triathlete boxes. Michael is new to triathlon and almost everything we approached required him to acquire new knowledge and gain competency. Michael’s ability to be self-critical whilst listening and improving felt like one of his many strong points. He would often write a self-deprecating but light-hearted critique of his efforts be-decked with numerous emoji’s. These made me laugh and I believe that was his intention. I suppose this is where my earlier point about my impression of Michael being different to his own comes in. Michael’s race review revealed the depth of his self-doubt, a lack of self-confidence and limited self-belief. This is not how I see him. I see and experience the smiling man in these pictures. His race review revealed the equal, but opposite distance he had to travel to find self-respect.  

From Michael’s account, his swim was awful. He forgot his goggles and borrowed a pair then stopped three times and contemplated being picked up by the safety kayaks. He described himself as mentally broken and resigned to not continuing after the swim. Michael’s wife, and support for the day was there to witness and hear this. She swiftly set about giving him a talking to, thus resetting his belief in himself (based firmly on her belief of him). Michael described this as, “getting a hit from a defibrillator,” thus snapping him out of his dark hole and returning him to, “my normal.” As a self-confessed competitive person, it came as no surprise that once back in race mode, Michael was able to take advantage of his riding ability, gaining places and, “loving the route,” feeling that his training rides around Renfrewshire and Ayrshire had prepared him well.

Photos: Liana Mower

Confidently, Michael passed through the transition zone knowing that he’d felt worse during training sessions; drawing strength from this he continued to the run and Mount Snowdon. Following his emotional battering in the swim, Michael’s perspective on the ascent was, “I’ve done the mental test, now this is the physical test.” He explained his resentment towards the hill as tangible and described a great deal of contempt towards its beauty. Having been both passed by others and then passing others through the run, Michael was met by his wife in the final chute and her whoops of delight took him over the finish line. He finished 30^th position out of 97 finishers. 

Beyond the physical achievement, Michael has expressed how training towards and then completing the event has lifted him, allowed him to feel proud and give himself credit. He values his relationship with his wife, their team spirit and feels gratitude for her unconditional support. He goes on to explain a feeling of earning self-respect for the first time, of a consistency in attitude, self-confidence, self-belief, and self-love. These expressions are rare from men, especially west coast of Scotland men. It is my hope that more men will process their emotions, realise some of their emotional habits and in Michael’s words, “give yourself a break.” 

With reference to our working relationship, Michael expressed the following, “Not only your coaching style, but you as a person have helped to bring all this out. I am extremely grateful. This has been more than an event or sporting goal. It has been a real personal journey and helped accelerate my inner contentment”